America 2025: Pure Slop
Crypto, AI, Musk, Luka.
The malaise of a second Trump term seems undeniable, the sleaze, the slop, Trump’s crypto scam being launched days before his inauguration, naming a Fox News guy with neo-Nazi tattoos as the Secretary of Defense, Elon Musk, recently removed from his charlatan fling Amber Heard, throwing actual Nazi salutes and running roughshod through the government eliminating jobs, finally getting that nerd revenge on members of society who earn their money.
The ultra-poor are cheering this on. I’m just curious, I’m not an expert, does cutting tens of thousands of jobs have an effect on unemployment numbers?
Does anyone remember the debates? Didn’t Trump talk about unemployment? Was that fifty years ago or five minutes ago, I can’t remember, just like I can’t remember if I turned the stove off or put my clean socks away. Let me walk into the bedroom to check my dresser drawer and forget why I’m there, as is the national consciousness.
The airplane crashes. Never happened under Biden’s watch. Idiotic logic, inexcusable really, yet something every Republican member of congress would have said if the roles were reversed. You know it, I know it.
The inexplicable Luka Doncic trade, signed off on by the owners of the Mavericks, the Adelson family, a legacy of their repugnant Trumpist father. White collar idiots. Useless nepo babies. Greedy dorks. Most importantly, they suck at their jobs. Don’t ever forget that.
It’s as if the palpable seediness and the scaminess Trump campaigned on is rubbing off on the whole of society. We have all absorbed some of the trashiness. Through osmosis, like the polar bears with credit card plastic in their balls.
I live near a high school, and I saw a kid with a face tattoo the other day.
No other president had associations with a porn star, because they aren’t as stupid or desperate. Or gross. He’s an old man. What do his kids think? What about his wife? She shook him down, that’s what they do. You know how to do deals? Haha. You can’t even get away with paying Miss Day After Christmas for a tryst.
Echoing his trashy taste in general, often reflected in the gaudy Trump properties that only a Slovenian whore would be impressed with, he picked the homeliest porn star of all time.
You can’t trust people like that. People with bad taste. Billy Ray Cyrus? The former ass clown living off his daughter. Living unhealthfully it seems, but are there any non pill-poppers in Trump’s orbit?
Sure, Nixon was an alcoholic, but you’re telling me these people aren’t all snorting Adderall in the White House bathrooms while trading memes of themselves on their Reddit burners?
Paradoxically, the religious fanatics support the porn star guy. This isn’t weird. Just picture what a decent person would do in any situation, an Evangelical will do the opposite. It’s not new, but they’re more brazen about it. They supported Bush Jr, but embracing Charles Manson may have been a bridge too far. They would, now.
The Q saga is no stranger than the Manson plot. The Q people believe Trump is Q.
But it’s not a cult, because it’s fairly mainstream.
All of the caky makeup and bad plastic surgery. The orange slop. Musk trying to not look English. Sorry buddy, if you can’t get your fucked up face right we aren’t going to Mars. The party in charge looks less stately and more like a Coral Gables swingers party gone awry.
Would anyone be surprised if there was a bowl of poppers sitting on Hegseth’s desk? Would you be taken aback if Hulk Hogan filmed another sex tape, this time in the Oval Office? With Trump’s wife? We’re at the point where anything is possible. But not in a realizing our dreams sort of way, more of a, the Secretary of State has gonorrhea, type of way.
It’s not cause and effect, so much as a collective resignation. The President is a crypto guy. Why try anymore? This is what’s rewarded. His associates are online trolls, podcasters, MMA guys.
Nothing against podcasters or MMA guys, but they’ve never had a presence in the federal government because they don’t belong there, just like the Dems never tried to install OnlyFans models into their cabinets, because they have a thin, razor-thin but extant, respect for the country.
Soon the press secretary will be vaping at the podium. It’s not even up for debate.
The compromised garbage majority of the Supreme Court will stop pretending they’re not an affront to decency and beg Trump to name a hotel after them in exchange for a cuckolding session, which Trump will politely pass on.
It’s all coinciding with the slop of AI becoming ubiquitously in your face. Most people don’t even know what it is still. I saw a photo of a cat with weird eyes on Instagram and every comment was someone saying it was AI generated. It’s called Photoshop. We’ve had it for a while. We’ve also had Google, so an AI spitting out a recipe for cornbread isn’t anything new.
What’s revolutionary is AI’s ability to generate useless garbage at a feverish pace. It’s zero-cost content. No wonder it’s so available!
Also, Trump people can now debate whether actual documented video of him doing something sleazy is real or AI generated, something anyone paying attention called six years ago.
It’s so now. It’s so perfectly now. The shifty bullshitness of it, it’s so perfect.
Oh, and that cat picture on Instagram is owned by Mark Zuckerberg, who is likely now realizing money can’t buy you coolness, but it can buy you more money. I know, it’s not fair. Regardless of your medallion, you’re a clown, and a sellout. Nobody thinks you’re rad because you do jiu-jitsu. Especially not your wife. She’s plotting her way out as we speak. Lying to Joe Rogan about your affinity for bowhunting. The most 2025 thing of the past decade.
In fact, the entire business community capitulated to Trump without much resistance, because they’re cowards. The Amazon coward who had to leak his own dick pics. The second most 2025 thing of the past century.
I think I know a little secret they’re in on.
They traded support for Trump for the privilege of union-busting and not paying taxes. There’s no coming back from that. You’re just a scumbag now, enjoy it. I know that you will, sadly, and at some point you’ll give .01 percent of your ill-gotten net worth to a breast cancer charity as a tax write-off and they’ll name a hospital wing after you. I don’t care. People respect me, they don’t just have to pretend.
It’s like truth doesn’t exist anymore in the American mind. But it does exist. It really does, I think.
Why send your kid to college? Or even a trade school, or high school? Or grade school? Republicans are constantly looking to slash the public education budget further and further. Why not eliminate it?
Just tell your little Reaganite spawn to do a pump-and-dump cryptocoin scam. Maybe follow Trump’s lead of playing a victim to generate money for his legal funds which are then distributed to his private businesses? Yes, this is, on a larger scale, the exact same thing as faking an illness to bilk people out of money on a GoFundMe.
What a career opportunity! Take an example from your Dear Leader. Run up some credit card debt, file for bankruptcy. Have the biggest flatscreen in the trailer park.
I bet, regardless of where you grew up in America, you knew a creepy businessman with a gold chain dangling into the afro of his chest hair who did “business with the Saudis.”
It’s called money laundering. He wasn’t slick.
This guy wasn’t a pillar of the community so much as a skeezy moderately threatening uneducated wannabe mobster who had a heart attack at age fifty and then his kids opened a shitty restaurant where they drank away all of the profits.
Still, way cooler of a hang than Jared Kushner.
The Grammies, not that anyone has cared about the Grammies in fifty years, awarded Song of the Year to a diss track, Not Like Us. It’s about another guy who recently won Song of the Year being a pedophile. Is he, or isn’t he? I don’t know, it’s just more malaise.
Drake did sue his own record label for promoting the song, yet DID NOT sue Kendrick Lamar for defamation, which you would probably do if you had nearly infinite legal resources. And were not a pedophile.
Of course, teenage fandom of a child predator is nothing new, see Michael Jackson, R Kelly, and Diddy (although I never knew anyone who thought the latter two were cool but if you voted for Trump you probably did) but it being a mainstream allegation from a peer certainly is, and potentially a new low point in the culture.
Why is this not more of a national conversation? Is Drake a pedophile or not? He’s a tremendously popular artist. The song alleging he’s a pedophile just won a major award. He’s on the news all the time, but for reasons other than being a suspected pedophile.
Have we just accepted that a teen idol is a felonious abuser, or, much like Trump’s criminality, does nobody care that he is? Is it a badge of honor, his pedophilia?
Of course I’m somewhat biased, as Drake is still more slop. Call me crazy, but in a rap battle I’m siding with a dude from Compton over a Canadian child actor one hundred percent of the time, just like if he was a white guy from Denmark.
Same in a fist fight or basically any conflict not involving lawyers.
We just shouldn’t take these people seriously. Drake is about exactly as cool as Corey Feldman, who was probably raped by Michael Jackson, so I guess we should cut him a break.
If you are a Trump supporter, a crypto guy, an AI guy, an OnlyFans model, an online scammer, I think you should go the extra mile and just become Russian, given your idol’s affinity for that country.
It’s just the inevitable next step in the process. He named his daughter Ivanka for Christ’s sake. What guy from New York does that?
Seriously, if we’re going trash, let’s go all the way. If you’re a lady, pour on a bunch of sinus-paralyzing perfume that smells like scented cat litter, and never smile. Squeeze out used condoms and try and frame people. Wear a prom dress to Chili’s. Convince yourself that superficiality is a virtue, talk shit about Mexican construction workers even though you are unemployed and live with your mom in a rent-controlled apartment.
If you’re a dude, yank out your premolars. Go to the gym and only do biceps. Wear a track suit with a hefty tariff on it. Talk shit about Ukraine and other democratic countries while you fill out your general relief papers. Drive an Uber with ten air-fresheners while listening to state-sponsored Russian media. Develop a serious victimhood complex, sell your rims to the pawn shop your uncle owns and go back to the sodden metropolis of Moscow.
You know what’s not surprising, people in prison, meaning the zenith of male loserdom, are overwhelmingly Trump supporters. Apply that to people out of prison but with criminal records. As a quick cross-reference, check out how many crimes Trump has been convicted of, compared to anyone in a high position of the US government, ever.
This is ratchet shit, all around.
I implore you, go all the way. Say “Candyman” into the mirror five times. Walk past a homeless guy sleeping on the sidewalk and kick him in the ribs. Go to Safeway and drop a bunch of cans of lentils onto the floor and leave them rolling around there. Park in a handicapped spot, piss in the pool. Wear your sunglasses indoors at a concert and get drunk and knock over a middle-aged lady. Steal your neighbor’s DoorDash delivery. Take your gum out of your mouth and instead of putting it into a napkin, throw it onto some commercial grade carpet or stick it under the table at Chuck E Cheese. Stop saying “the N Word.” Say the actual word. Complain to a carpenter about the sawdust. Roofie a sorority girl’s drink. Heckle a scrawny teenager walking by your house. Make even bolder proclamations, espouse your love of Vladimir Putin. Give your dog steroids and get him a spiked collar. Punish your kid for sucking at football. Tell your wife she needs to lose weight while you’re eating Papa John’s. Graffiti a random wall in your subdivision. Play Drake really loud. Get a cinnamon flavored vape and use it wherever people are uncomfortable. Try and sell some NFTs. Generate Deep Fakes of Mary Poppins doing something raunchy. Get a fake Rolex and sell it on OfferUp. Gamble your kid’s college fund on DraftKings. Then drive to Illinois to get an abortion while owning the libs.
Seriously, you’re celebrating the virtues of being a scumbag, live up to it.