Could John Fetterman Become the First Face Tattooed President?

A lot of things would have to fall into place, but stranger things have happened.

John Fetterman, considering getting a face tattoo.

You can’t miss John Fetterman, Lieutenant Governor of Pennsylvania and maybe the Mean Drunk State’s next senator.

He’s an ogre, six-foot-nine and approaching four-hundred pounds, but it’s obviously the self-styled crank snorting tow truck driver aesthetic which makes him stand out as a high-ranking politician when his appearance suggests he should be arguing with an obese woman in spandex in a Flying J parking lot.

The schtick would indicate that he’s the product of a humble blue-collar background, as if there is some initiation ritual involved in growing a blocky goatee, getting scattered Memento tattoos, and wearing very ill-fitting boxy Dickies.

I’m pretty sure a coal miner’s son is able to forgo the standard issue biker beard, just like I believe a rich kid can grow one without being jumped into the beard club with brass knuckles.

But I have to admit, it fooled me. When I first became aware of John Fetterman, around the same time as most everyone else, I assumed he was this average guy who became a fish out of water politician.

This isn’t true. Fetterman is from a wealthy family, he went to an expensive private college and then attained degrees from Connecticut and Harvard. His father paid all of his expenses throughout his education and continued doing so when he moved to a depressing broken dreams town in Western PA which he thought was fubar enough for him to take over and operate on without much brushback.

So, is Fetterman a poser or can rich kids not express themselves by looking like a deadbeat handyman?