Gun Affiliated Names in the NBA Drawing Criticism

Sharpshooter Austin Reaves is unhappy with his new AR-15 nickname

Lakers guard Austin Reaves had an explosive rookie season last year, coming on especially strong in the final games when he really cocked the hammer and murdered defenses, and showed potential to be a possible twenty-point-per-game scorer in the near future. He’s long and athletic and a ray of sunshine in an organization which is otherwise a dumpster-fire of nepotism and entitlement and has only one thing going for it in LeBron James.

Reaves explosive play earned him the nickname of AR-15, a combination of his initials, AR, and his jersey number, 15. One should be humbled and count themselves lucky to be bequeathed such an awesome nickname, especially so early in their career, a nickname which I already have as one of the best in the league, with the rankings being:

1. The Joker. Nikola Jokic has a particularly tricky game so it’s appropriate that he be named after a sinister comic book villain.

2. Maple Jordan. This is really just a pun on Anthony Wiggins being Canadian, but it’s funny enough to pack a strong punch whenever repeated.

3. The Process. Not just the result of the Sixers’ tanking experiment, Joel Embiid’s name illustrates that he’s a franchise player and that he’s at the complete pinnacle of ability.

4. AR-15.

5. The Minister of Defense. Jonathan Isaac is one of the best defenders in the league and also regularly speaks out about his regressive conservative politics like a minister might.

There is some precedent for incorporating one’s initials and jersey number into a nickname. For example, Paul George’s nickname is PG-13. This feels almost obligatory. Yes, his initials and jersey number add up to a thing, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be in use. In fact, it seems involuntarily telling and unflattering of George.

See, if the nastiest most intimidating player, say Giannis Antetokounmpo or Jimmy Butler, were rated R, and a creampuff like Karl Anthony-Townes were rated PG, then Paul George really does embody the rating of PG-13. He’s almost something you’d be excited to watch, a Hard-R with a lot of sex and violence like Fight Club or Pulp Fiction, but his play is more analogous to something that’s not-quite-awesome like a kinda cool Bourne movie.

Speaking of which Hard-R would be a badass nickname for any player whose initials were R. or whose name just has one R in it. It would be especially cool if the guy was kind of a bad boy with a criminal record (meaning he is hard in the slang sense) or was super jacked (a hardbody), so I’m suggesting Timberwolves forward Naz Reid be nicknamed Hard-R going forward, because even though I have zero evidence that he is a thug of any kind he looks like he can kick some ass and there aren’t any good players with the initials RR.

Andre Kirilenko, the retired big man of Russian nationality wore the number 47 while playing in the NBA, leading to the obvious enough moniker of AK-47. While exceptionally cool, this nickname could be criticized as too obvious, publicist contrived, and attention hungry, which would make sense coming from a Russian who probably has gold pants and a diamond-studded collar for his tiger. Both backing up its lameness, and making the nickname even cooler, AK-47s are manufactured in Russia and historically carried by Russian soldiers.

That leads into the issue Austin Reaves has with his AR-15 nickname. He doesn’t especially like it, because as he told ESPN, “I don’t condone any gun violence that happens around our country.” Ugh.

My first thought was that Reaves is either incredibly smart or has some smart people behind him. See, this nickname, this awesome nickname, is just on the verge of sticking right now, and everyone knows that the best way to kill a nickname is to embrace it and the best way to solidify one is to act pissy about it. It even occurred to me that Reaves might be an unassuming sociopath who was orchestrating this entire thing and was aware of exactly what I’m talking about, but that’s not the case, as he had worn the number 12 his whole life, but that number had been taken by another player last season, so he chose 12 which he says is “15 just flipped upside down.” This kid is going places.

Like most Americans I’m not supportive of political correctness beyond the really obvious stuff, which has already been largely addressed. This clearly seems like an instance where you have to admit that conservatives sometimes have a good point. It would be really difficult to argue that gun sales or mass shootings or murder rates would be affected at all by Austin Reaves’ nickname. But he’s also twenty-four years old, and of a generation who has had this type of thing hammered into him. For lack of a better term, he sounds like kind of a pussy. But he could also be pandering or daring people to call him this. Sadly, it seems most likely that he just doesn’t like it.

In today’s political climate we would have lost some of the cooler nicknames. Kobe Bryant’s Black Mamba, racist. Jason Williams’ White Chocolate? Racist. Anthony Davis’ Street Clothes or Day-to-Davis, mocking his injury proneness, ableist. Charles Barkley’s Round Mound of Rebound? Fat shaming.

In fact, as I am adept at naming and branding things, I noticed that Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, given his clunky name, could certainly use a fresh alias. In basketball slang a smooth jump-shot is referred to as being “butter.” Shai’s name is pronounced “shay,” and he is one of the better shooters in the league, so I suggested Shai Butter. Incidentally, black people are known to use a product called shea butter as a moisturizer, and Gilgeous-Alexander is black, which I would argue makes the name even cooler, but the only black person I ran this by informed me that it was kind of racist, although he also didn’t care, so I didn’t know what to make of that.

This is what people don’t like about PC culture. It takes away little harmless things that get us through our day. Pistol Pete Maravich would be rolling over in his grave, although he was once accused of being a racist.

Please take a minute to subscribe to this newsletter if you haven’t already. I appreciate it.