Jeff Bezos FreakOff Wedding

Was Diddy on the Guestlist?

An interesting thing occurred to me while being subjected to photos of Jeff Bezos and his gold-digger wife, which was attended by celebrities such as Tom Brady, the Kardashians, and Oprah, a veritable meeting of the minds, the G8 summit of shitty plastic surgery. What occurred to me is that Sean Combs, had he not been arrested last September, would definitely be at this wedding, and potentially be one of the least freaky guests.

I’m getting the impression that his presence will be missed.

A lot of people don’t remember when Bezos had photos of his private parts published by the National Enquirer, and why would you remember this really.

The interesting part of the whole saga lies solely in the fact that Bezos pathetically worked out a deal to publish his own genital photos as a perverse kink while pretending he didn’t know how it happened, as if he doesn’t have the resources to figure it out, with the two hundred billion dollars, pretty sure a private dick with a drinking problem could get to the bottom of this one.

This game isn’t especially new, plenty of scrubs at his wedding, such as all of the Kardashians, have had their phones “hacked” meaning nudes of themselves published “against their will.” What differentiates Bezos from these fellow filth pig liars is that 1) Bezos was not doing it for money, he actually lost money, and 2) For unknown reasons, there are still some people, mostly NBA players, who want to see the Kardashians naked.

It’s not really all that humiliating to be nude if you’re a relatively attractive woman (the Kardashians notwithstanding) and a willing participant.

If you’re a guy it’s pretty mortifying. Unless you’re a deviant creep, although I’ve heard it’s common that wealthy cucks enjoy humiliation.

The case seemed complicated to me at first, but it’s not and shout out to James West for doing the reporting, either the best or worst gig of his career I assume, to summarize: Lauren Sanchez’s brother is a slimy LA creep who deals in brokering paparazzi photos to outlets such as TMZ and the National Enquirer for the price of junked Civics each.

Bezos, through Lauren Sanchez (his girlfriend at the time, both of them were married, to other people, because they are both greasy swingers) paid the brother $200,000 for unknown services.

The brother of Sanchez sold the photos to the National Enquirer, and Bezos then claimed the Saudis hacked his phone when people demanded to know WHY they were being subjected to seeing this at the grocery checkout.

The Saudis, the royals and military that is, are all serious fucking creeps. Yet, they’d never done anything like this before, and frankly, while at least eighty percent of them are homosexual pedophiles, they really would have no interest nor anything to gain from hacking Bezos’ phone and attaining the smallest and least interesting piece of evidence of what I assume is a pretty lofty haul of white-collar crime and FTC violations and then brokering a publishing deal with the National Enquirer for a few thousand dollars.

Not to state the obvious, but the Saudi government, which is relatively archaic and unsophisticated as far as the press goes and also engaged in far more serious matters, doesn’t have any connections to the American tabloid scene, as far as I’m aware (outside of MBS and Jared Kushner being real-estate development buddies, Kushner being the nepo scion of a total freak who owned the Enquirer.) Even the dumbest of MAGA’s laughable conspiracy theories have never floated anything so outlandish in terms of ‘fake news.’

Oh, also Kushner attended Bezos’ recent wedding, so that kind of shoots that whole theory down. And I bet when the two of them were engaged in fucking each other’s plasticy wives they really missed Diddy.

Anyway, once nobody believed any of this nonsense about who would possibly, besides the eponymous creeps in question, have any interest in leaking Bezos’ photos, him and Lauren Sanchez, after testing increasingly cracked-out sounding conspiracy theories involving the United Nations on the media and sensing that anyone who cared was onto them and understood they do weird designer drugs and that they came up with this scheme under the influence of said meth, then accused Sanchez’s brother of hacking her phone, which is pretty low, to throw the guy who did your dirty work under the bus.

What transpired after that is utterly predictable: If Bezos took it to trial the discovery process would evidence increasingly Bowie/Jager level freakoffs on his part, so he dropped it, which is tantamount to guilt for someone with infinite resources.

As someone who’s not a prude at all, I find it crushing that Bezos and Sanchez are just parading around looking bloated and stretched out on this psychotic vanity tour while it’s really obvious that they did one of the weirder things in human history: Publishing yourself and your husband’s own dick pics for thrill or gratification.

Is this the worst thing they’ve ever done? Not even close. It’s just the most easily verifiably weirdest.

It’s this new indulgent Gatsby thing. The President has abandoned all sense of decency. Trades favors with white trash porn stars. Says super racist shit all the time. Wears makeup. His wife is a literal hooker. Has a crypto coin. And NFTs currently for sale. Thinks Russia is cool. I could keep going but I think we get it.

Bezos and Sanchez are an embodiment of the new Trashy Rich, but I don’t think it’s a testament to their character as much as I think it’s them telling you that they can do whatever they want and without any consequences, and you’re going to have to witness it, in all of it’s *form?* so maybe, I don’t know, vote to properly tax billionaires, or do you want to look at this?