Julie Nixon-Eisenhower is a Person
Historical documents indicate that I am not hallucinating
I was recently musing to myself that if you are the child of an influential politician or businessman (a de facto politician in this country) then you are by nature a worthless individual who would be doing society a favor by purging the planet of yourself.
You simply, by default, cannot contribute anything, to anything. Whatever your view of the world is, it’s completely warped.
The things that you have, such as fancy jeans and a cushy job, you believe you deserve, and earned, and neither of those things are true.
And you grew up with an egomaniac who believed that they had all of the answers to everything and were simultaneously being sabotaged by the other side before this pixy dust cure-all could be implemented.
The common thread among all of these people - liberal, centrist, conservative - is that they grew up very, very rich, and that they average ten hours of work or so per week - work which they want you to believe is important, and self-sacrificing.
It’s not.
There are four ways this can shake out as far as I can tell. Most commonly, the child becomes a callous monster who implements a right-wing vendetta against ninety-nine percent of society in the form of class-warfare, basically taking a eugenic approach that the poor need to be killed off - although they don’t always use that exact language.
Examples of this are: Jared Kushner, Mohammed Bin Salman, Uday Hussein, Kim Jong un, Matt Gaetz, and Donald Trump.
Almost as common are trust-fund philanthropists who dabble in progressive causes, mostly to sooth their own consciences, and make heavy salaries while stroking their own egos and being used to buy access.
They tend to have strong opinions on abortion rights and droughts in Africa, but never, ever mention the tax codes of the United States, which serves to keep them flush with generational wealth while the people who trim the hedges on a home they didn’t pay for have a next-to-nil chance of dying in a higher caste than they were born into.
This is what I mean by them being worthless, by definition. Their existence is a problem.
Short of starting from the middle, working a real job, and giving back the money they inherited, which they will never do, they’re basically a hamster on a treadmill trying to cancel out the effects of their sentient existence.
Examples of this group include Megan McCain, Chelsea Clinton, Christine Pelosi, George Bush’s daughters, and all of the Kennedy family.
A third group includes degenerate scumbags and black sheep who pick and choose at various nepotistic endeavors while doing a lot of cocaine while attempting to convince themselves that they are an individual.
Examples of this group include Hunter Biden, John Murtha, and Jerry Fallwell’s ugly male child.
The final group, and it’s really fucked up that this exists, is simply the last group I mentioned - derelict drug addled spoiled frat boy preppies - who STILL become the President or Speaker of the House or something like that.
Examples of this group are George W Bush and Ted Kennedy.
Probably my biggest challenge as a writer is that I don’t understand what people know, or don’t know.
This is a fairly common dilemma. Do you over-explain something that is fairly obvious, or do you assume that your audience knows some context and background of your subject, when they might not, which leads to your piece not being comprehendible.
So I didn’t know this, I’m assuming a lot of boomers reading this might, but just in case please sit down if you’re reading this: Richard Nixon’s daughter is named Julie Nixon Eisenhower.
She married the son of President Dwight Eisenhower, who Nixon served under as Vice President.
It is unclear if this technically constitutes incest.
I once had the idea that Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump should enter into a sham marriage, purely for the good of the country, but this perverse situation - Julie that is - might be able to scratch that itch - given that she bears the names of a maybe halfway decent man in Dwight Eisenhower, and a demonic gremlin from hell, in Richard Nixon.
Of course I was curious, what did this girl do with this once in a lifetime hand she was delt?
The short answer is nothing.
She worked part-time at a newspaper for a while and wrote a biography on the topic of her mother, which nobody asked for or read, and spent some time campaigning for Donald Trump this past election.
So, basically, she’s a zero. This is a bit anticlimactic.
Still, it’s pretty interesting. Imagine what a complete waste of space one would have to be to not capitalize on this namesake and birthing and just become a degenerate supporter of Donald Trump - who was advertising well in advance that he wanted to invalidate a democratically held election.
Sometimes you have to marvel at the absolute unimpresiveness of something, or somebody.
Wow! Goddamn is this person unimpressive!
(I don’t really have much against Obama’s daughters, as he is a self-made individual, but they’re far too glum for my liking and underqualified for their well-paying jobs, so, not much of an exception.)