Marjorie Taylor Greene Appears to be Illiterate

If you scored a zero on a test could a conclusion be drawn?

PatriotTakes 🇺🇸 @patriottakes

Marjorie Taylor Greene says the government is planning to “zap” people inside their bodies if they try to eat a real cheeseburger.

“Bill Gates wants you to eat his fake meat, which grows in a peach-tree dish.”

- Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, again.

I’m almost certain that she said “peach tree.” At first I thought she must have just mispronounced Petri but after studying this, definitely not. I figured she was reading the word off of her monitor and had a brief brain spasm or precursor to an aneurysm as we are all liable to do sometimes, but no. She was ad-libbing.

She looked down at her notes at the start of this clip where she’d typed something like “Bill Gates” or “Fake Meat” and she didn’t look down again until fifteen seconds later when she finished with the peach tree comment. She looked down again at that point because, ran out of gas, time to refocus. It’s basic public speaking. That’s what cues are for. (A person of normal intelligence says something trite and forgettable at this point in their speech and nobody really notices or cares. She says something so stupid it’s comedic. This is the baseline she’s at.)

This means it was all off the dome, she wasn’t reading it. And if she wasn’t reading it then she couldn’t mispronounce it that badly. What I mean by that is, if she saw the word Petri, you could make a case she was doing some pseudo-European accent and over-performing it. Bastardizing it really, but we’ve all done that. The way a guy on a first (and last) date rolls fourteen Rs on his Chile Relenno order. I could totttalllllly see a pretentious scarf-wearing person at a wine bar saying “It’s actually pronounced Peechtri dish.”

But if she wasn’t reading it then she wouldn’t have articulated it that clearly. She literally said “peach” and then “tree.” If you don’t know something, and you aren’t reading it aloud and confidently pretending you know it, then you mumble it or breeze past it. You don’t shoot the cameraman you’re blowing a look like you just nailed a prime John Stewart zinger.

Julius Petri was German by the way, which would have been my seventh guess. If you speak German and know how to pronounce his name with a German accent, please let me know, in English.

Clearly this forty-eight year old product of the Georgia (the Peach State, probably why peaches are on her mind more than the average person, especially since she’s consumed with provincialism and looking at meaningless officious plaques all day) Education System has lived her adult life thinking a Petri dish is a Peach Tree dish.

And she shouldn’t be judged for that either. This American Life did a really fun episode about this very phenomenon - about how we all sometimes misinterpret something early on and it never gets corrected and the next thing you know we’re saying “peach tree dish” on our unhinged conspiracy mongering live-stream. On the episode, writer Jodie Mace shared an example from her own life:

When I was a kid, and I would see the school crossing signs, and there's the picture of the little kids walking, and it would say school x-ing And I thought that the x-ing was a word. And I pronounced it zing.

And she did this until she was in her twenties. Another contributor thought unicorns were real, into adulthood.

I had a similar experience. I’ve had many of them actually, but I grew up in Alaska, and the next closest state was Washington, which seemed like the biggest metropolis on the globe by comparison. I’d never been much south of the Yukon River.

At the age of sixteen I was hanging around the minor-league ballpark in town and a sharp-jawed pitcher who was from the Virginia-DC metro area was nice enough to talk to my loser ass. We were just shooting the shit about sports and he told me that, being from DC, his favorite basketball team was the Bullets. I responded by by telling him I was a big SuperSonics fan, and then asked him if ‘when Washington DC plays Seattle, is it a big local rivalry?’

It took him a few seconds to process before he looked at me with some pity. Look I knew that all of the founding of the country stuff happened on the East Coast, I just thought Washington DC was in the state of Washington. So what? Just recently I told someone raccoons were more dog than cat related. I mean, look at them, they look exactly like a cat. What an idiot.

Back to MTG: This was all part of a larger discussion that I very seriously think you’d have to be schizophrenic to understand. It somehow tied government surveillance to population dynamics by citing facts overheard in the smoking area of a gang bang.

And - this stream is called MTG Live for the record. Live. Marjorie Taylor Greene should be streaming live like a guy with an ankle-bracelet just released for vehicular homicide should be live-streaming his drinking a Shirley Temple at a dive bar. She has as much business live-streaming her thoughts as JD Salinger did live-streaming the writing of his next novel. This woman needs to be heavily edited at best.

She’s beyond a serial offender at this point. This isn’t a gaffe, something you laugh about with your friends later. This woman is plainly illiterate. This is how she communicates. She’s phonetically sounding out words she can’t read and associating them with words she already knows. That’s literally what illiterate people do.

I wouldn’t normally shame an illiterate person, but I have a few exceptions. 1) They constantly talk shit about immigrants and people who ‘can’t speak the language.’ 2) They were born in America, and 3) You can tell they think they are super smart.

I’m going out on a limb, or am I just saying something obvious? I think Marjorie Taylor Greene can read the menu at the Cheesecake Factory, and I think she can read the subtitles on Pawn Stars, minus the proper nouns. But I think she is undeniably illiterate. I’ll have to explore it further next time, as well as why this might be problematic.

Also I’m sorry for joking about her appearance. She doesn’t look like Mickey Rourke she looks like Bill Walton. If you enter a friend’s email below and share it with them then I promise in a future post I will reveal the number of sexual partners MTG has had.