Angel Reese Challenges White America
To what, nobody is entirely certain.
LSU basketball standout Angel Reese made headlines this week due to some unrooted beef with Jill Biden, and secondarily generated interest for winning Most Outstanding Player of the Women’s NCAA Tournament as well as a national championship.
Reese has been hailed as a feisty anti-establishment folk hero, something akin to the next Johnny Rotten or Batman by the left, and as a Black Panther adjacent domestic terrorist by the right.
Much of this stems from an ongoing conversation about what appears to be a double standard for black female college basketball players versus their white peers, with the former being criticized for taunting their opponents while the white chicks have not been subject to such finger wagging.
Jill Biden herself appeared to be rooting for LSU’s opponent, the pasty Iowa Hawkeyes, suggesting, in unprecedented fashion, that the losing team be invited to the White House along with the national champions as a patronizing conciliation prize and a chance at tasting her famed potato chip casserole.
What seems obvious is this: Jill Biden was rooting for Iowa to win. Also as obvious, if you’re a fringe lunatic, this makes Jill Biden a racist.
There are a few things to consider here which weren’t in any media discussions, and I’m going to make a quick case as to why all of this may be overblown and, on the opposing side, why Jill Biden may be a closeted Boogaloo Boy, because this seems like the way high school debate class works in 2023 America.
In the non-racist corner: Angel Reese’s behavior was petty as fuck. Her opponent taunted her during a competitive juncture of the game, and Reese rubbed it in at the end like a sore winner.
It’s totally okay to not like her and therefore root against her team.
In the racist corner: It’s fairly universal in the world of the NCAA tournament to root for the underdog, which is what I figured Jill Biden was doing in her support for Iowa.
Yet, to my surprise, as someone who doesn’t follow college basketball until midnight on April 30th, Iowa was a higher seed than LSU, and they were favored by Vegas in the point spread.
For some reason I had assumed LSU, the true underdog, was supposed to be the better team, but I am not sure why that could possibly be. Does this make me, and Jill Biden, a racist?
Suddenly, though, after many arduous hours of agonizing over all of this, I had a moment of clarity. I slipped in the shower and bonked my head on the faucet and the water began running pink. I looked up at the ceiling and realized something.
Nobody should care about any of this.
For one thing, Angel Reese and her white foil are both clowns, each of them having stolen their face-waving taunt from professional wrestler and disgraceful renowned fellator of the Chinese Communist Party, John Cena.
Further, Reese clearly has histrionic personality disorder or some other malady. Whatever the case, she’s definitely a liar, as evidenced by the following drunken Ryan Lochte level piece of apocryphal bullshit:
Following her victory, Reese went on a podcast and claimed that, prior to the championship game, Jill Biden attempted to visit LSU’s locker room, but the team turned her away because her husband, the President of the United States and renowned civil rights advocate Joe Biden, didn’t pick LSU in his bracket.
“Apparently, she was supposed to come to our locker room before the game but we said… We didn’t want her coming into the locker room… I think Joe Biden had put somebody else to win the national championship.”
Yeah, that happened. It’s too ridiculous to bother deconstructing.
The verdict: It’s okay to not like this person and root for the Hawkeyes, White America, it doesn’t make you bad.
You get a pass. This time.
The last thing I’ll say about what should be the insignificance of all of this is the plainly obvious, that nobody cares about women’s college basketball whatsoever, and the attention paid to these routine shenanigans is likely proof of that.
Here’s what I can offer in the form of data to support my thesis: As a matter of revenue, the Men’s NCAA Tournament tends to generate roughly a hundred million dollars in revenue each year, while the Women’s NCAA Tournament tends to lose about three million bucks.
If you’re going to respond by saying ‘money isn’t the best way to measure the popularity of something’ then I’m not sure what you’d suggest but maybe you should become a dowser and go searching for positive vibes and then add them up.
So, let’s compare the popularity of the men’s tournament to the women’s tournament, just as an exercise.
This is a little bit tricky, because diving a negative integer (negative three million) into a positive one (one hundred million) will produce a mathematically unsound result.
So, for simplicity’s sake, and because I am not very good at math, let’s just pretend that the women’s tournament doesn’t lose three million dollars, and instead earns one dollar.
That means the men’s tournament is one hundred million times more popular than the women’s tournament.
That seems to check out.
My point is that maybe Angel Reese should be pretty psyched to get an invite to the White House because it kinda seems like they’re doing her a favor.
I know that I personally found it difficult to secure an invitation to some of the more prestigious thousand-dollar-a-plate Democratic fundraisers, being the President and CEO of Cargo Socks (socks with pockets, a beachy-friendly alternative to the fanny pack), as my company has generated this fiscal year, similarly to the Women’s NCAA Tournament, negative three million dollars.
Also, as a rule of thumb, if you’re going to be publicly angry it should be incumbent on you to explain what you’re actually mad about, you only have a few days left of anyone trying to beat it out of you.