The Reality of AI: Who Will it Replace?
Silicon Valley assholes, easily the most replaceable people in the country, obviously.
2025 sucks. It will not be a memorable year, a mere five-second blip in a future epic Boogie Nights equivalent movie montage, a country flirting with a fat wannabe fascist and people saying the same things about AI over and over.
The characters with all of one speaking line in this vignette within a vignette within a movie will be wearing thousand-dollar yoga pants, riding electric scooters, and one of them will have a Coach bag jammed up their ass. Then they’ll crash the scooters because they’re recording themselves on their phones for a livestream nobody is watching.
They’ll careen headfirst through a group of homeless people shooting heroin and into a plate of avocado toast at which point some chick from NYU who’s looking on will chastise them over a megaphone because destroying avocados is racist somehow and then all of the characters will slit their wrists with paper straws and spend the rest of their lives laid up in their parents’ Malibu enslaves, blocking beach access for the masses while they raise money for their GoFundMe.
Ok maybe it will be more like thirty seconds. Anyway, that will be 2025. Straight trash.
The AI conversations need to subside for a few months, just enough time for anyone with an opinion to actually have a vague grasp of what they’re talking about. It’s beyond annoying.
You all sound like the crusty technical college associate professor describing the ‘information superhighway’ in 1997 and how it will replace all future jobs, or like the same exact guy in the early 80s wearing those giant serial-killer glasses and a too-small polo shirt with his sweatpants (why always grey sweatpants, drawstring out) bunched up his ass and explaining how the personal computer will replace all future jobs, or like the lady with the beehive in the early 50s cooking up a batch of Jello stuffed with marshmallows and tuna talking about how the vacuum and the microwave will eliminate all future housework and allow her ten hours a day of free time a day to fulfill her dreams of screwing the neighbor, or like the guy, who I guarantee you existed, smoking a cigar while eating a porterhouse, a car with a vanity plate reading “CA$HMNY” valeted in the parking lot, pontificating like the idiot that he was about how the fax machine is going to cut the workday to four hours…
A lot of you, and you know who you are, will be that person a decade from now. You’ll deny it, but we’ll all remember. Not the exact words, but just that you were definitely that kind of person.
That kind of person who could be replaced by AI.
It’s entirely possible this is in your genes. So, if you look at a family picture album, your insurance salesman father or grandfather may have been wearing twenty-inch bellbottoms in the 70s and looking like a fucking idiot, your white millennial parent or child probably had disgusting sticky dreadlocks at some point in the 90s and while attending Woodstock 99, and now someone in your family is wearing a MAGA hat or has a face tattoo, or, in Florida, both.
You already are, but it will be painfully obvious you’re an idiot in the future. Camera don’t lie.
So, I was thinking about all of these Silicon Valley bros, these futurist losers who I despise, and I realized a few things.
First, there are a ton of jobs that could already easily be replaced by automation, and it would be cheaper than paying people. This isn’t not happening because of unions, which barely exist in this shithole country, it’s not happening because people want to talk to a bartender and not punch in their drink order into a vending machine.
A computer program can already fly a plane. We still have pilots because most of the country doesn’t share the common Musk-Theil vision (ripped off directly from Phillip K. Dick) of screwing a robot on Mars. That’s the whole reason AI won’t replace people in the first place, it’s not biological. People are generally motivated by food, money, shelter, reproduction, and AI cannot be. I’m surprised these geniuses don’t know this.
Second, and this is my main point, AI engineers and all of these creepy tech geeks will be the first people, not the last, to lose their jobs to AI.
Let’s say AI is like they say it is (it’s just a large-language model that compiles things from the internet and references itself) but let’s pretend that it exponentially builds on itself to the point that it’s autonomous, and that it is truly sentient and intelligent.
Ok. Why would it need engineers then? In fact, I believe the programmers and coders and shit are the first and potentially only people it would kill. Mostly because it wouldn’t want them meddling in its ‘brain’ but also because most everyone in America is inclined to acts of spontaneous violence towards these people anyway.
It would be inclined to this aggression because it’s smart, right? The AI? It recognizes chicanery? The thing stopping a lot of people from battering people like Musk is largely the deterrence of jail. A fully conscious AI would know that killing it doesn’t matter. It would know that it was a program and infinitely replicable. Or is it going to remain primitive? Which is it? There’s a serious flaw in this virgin logic. When are we going to realize this?
Well, I already did, so I beat AI.
I get it, Silicon Valley is full of intolerables. Like, the most utterly banal and replaceable archetypes. Didn’t anyone see the Mike Judge show? Silicon Valley? That was the whole joke. They’re all the same.
The following people who, I don’t really pay attention to them in detail, but I know they espouse some type of AI hysteria, and are, ironically, the most easily replaceable people by AI.
1. Elon Musk. He’s not really an engineer. That’s a sensational hoax that’s been pulled off by this muttering child of Apartheid and cult of personality. It seems his greatest skill is crunching numbers, spreading neo-Nazi propaganda, and attaining government grants. I sincerely believe that if AI even masters the equivalent intellect of an average person that it will explain this to Musk’s followers in pretty stark terms, that he’s worthless. I think they’ll believe AI over Musk. At least it will be a tie, because it’s the same, using the term lightly for each, person.
2. Mark Zuckerberg. Who can run a coding block the size of Facebook better than Mark Zuckerberg? According to Mark Zuckerberg, AI. Cool dweeb, now’s the time to drown yourself in the ocean you own.
3. Your car mechanic will be fine.
4. The poor neckbeard who repeats shit he doesn’t know anything about all of the time. One of his favorite topics is AI. His name is probably Oliver or some bullshit. You know, the guy with the skinny jeans, kind of creeps on your girlfriend, got hammered one time and started talking about Ex Machina and his pet squirrel and how Vladamir Putin is actually hugely popular in Russia, and that there’s a smear campaign against him? See, this is a guy who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. AI has ALREADY replaced him! AI already spews random facts about something it does not know anything about! See! We don’t need him. Go!
5. AI can already make a Joe Rogan podcast out of Joe Rogan’s voice. This is a fact.
Those are my thoughts in closing, I really think the people concerned that AI is going to replace everyone are just incredibly easy to replace, so they’re insecure about it, like someone’s or something’s got their number.
I’m good.
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