Tom Brady Lies and Diddy's Deep Pockets
The media continues to amaze.
This week every single major media network reported on the purported fact that Sean Diddy Combs paid the Intercontinental Hotel in New York fifty thousand dollars for the security cam footage of him brutally assaulting his then girlfriend in 2016, apparently catching and killing the evidence and explaining why it had not been viewed until recently.
This was apparently a simple transaction, and it makes perfect sense. These things definitely happen all of the time. My only question is, was the money in a suitcase or brown paper bag, and were the cops hot on Diddy’s tail?
The Intercontinental Hotels Group is a publicly traded company which owns more six thousand hotels globally boasting a total of nearly a million rooms, three hundred and fifty thousand employees, and revenues of about five billion dollars a year.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with the finer points of major corporate culture, but they’re definitely easy to bribe and enjoy going off-script and flying by the seat of their pants, rarely following protocol, particularly if its to protect a greasy rapper they have no affiliation with who is peddling a measly fifty grand.
It might sound unbelievable, but I recently flew from JFK to Bangkok first class on Delta Airlines because I slipped the pilot a crisp fifty dollar bill.
I remember when I was ten years old. I thought that having a thousand dollars meant someone was very rich. Especially if it was all ones. I was not a very smart kid. The journalists covering this story remind me of a young me but dumber, although I do have to give a shout-out to Jerry Springer, who lost his job as the mayor of Cincinnati because he paid for a hooker with a personal check.
That’s not to say there couldn’t be a rogue individual in the security department at the Intercontinental in New York accepting payoffs to delete footage.
Someone could have sold that footage to TMZ for around fifty thousand bucks and likely lost their job following an internal investigation.
But that isn’t Diddy “paying the Intercontinental Hotel,” that’s a criminal doing business with another criminal.
It’s like this is being reported by Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz or an Amish dude on Rumspringa. How does the world work? Well, you know, the President is the boss of things and rich rappers pay off corporations with laughably insignificant amounts of money and Tom Cruise gets a ton of chicks!
If you’re going to report on this story, you need to ask some basic questions. These people suck at their jobs and I won’t feel bad when AI sees them laid off en masse at this point because a computer couldn’t be any worse at this.
In other news, Tom Brady is a liar.
The Roast of Tom Brady on Netflix was a smashing success and I got a few laughs out of it, even though I find roasting to be cringy retribution for nerds, but it was refreshing to see something bawdy again, for once.
Anyway Brady is going around strongly insinuating if not outright claiming that he wasn’t aware his family life, including his recent divorce from a famous retired supermodel would be the target of some of the jokes, and is acting somewhere between offended and betrayed at the outcome.
His act is bullshit, and I can point to three reasons why this should be obvious.
Firstly, he was an Executive Producer of the show. That means his input would be taken as gospel, and should be everything you need to know right there.
If you watched the roast, nearly every roaster referenced the fact that they were reading a teleprompter.
The host Kevin Hart especially kept asking for it to be backed up so that he could read it (hosting isn’t what it used to be, I thought the whole point of doing comedy is that you’re pretending it’s all spontaneous.)
This means the notoriously diligent and anal-retentive Brady would have snoozed on any of the planning of the show he was producing, which is unlikely.
Secondly, if you don’t think your divorce, relatively salacious and heavily covered by the tabloids, wouldn’t be the first topic mentioned in a roast, then you are an idiot, which Tom Brady is not.
But, the main reason I know that Tom Brady is a liar is that nobody mentioned his egregiously distracting plastic surgery face during the roast, which is the most damning evidence that he was clearly able to dictate exactly what was off-limits, because my god, he looks like an action figure of his real self, or like Daniel Tosh and a novelty plastic blowup doll had somehow reproduced.
What work he’s had done I’m not sure, I’m not an expert, but it looks as though he’s had his buccal fat removed and his eyes have undergone bead implants, giving him that highly sought-after Swiss investor/pedophile ring treasurer look.
It would appear Brady is vainglorious and sensitive about what he’s chosen to do to himself.
Worse yet, if you believe him and there was something violating towards his family, the only conclusion I can draw is that he threw his leverage behind protecting his own ego as opposed to his family.
So the only conclusion I can draw at this point is that Tom Brady is an intolerable douchebag, I’m surprised the media hasn’t picked up on this yet.
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