If you think Aaron Rodgers being the President of the United States of America would be weird, you have to remember that prior to being elected Donald Trump was a reality TV show caricature of a douchebag and late-night TV punchline, and Aaron Rodgers is a normal looking man who doesn’t wear orange foundation or have an ostrich nest stapled to his head.
Nothing could really ever be as strange as that was.
Headlines this week have independent candidate Robert Kennedy Jr. shortlisting Rodgers as a potential running mate, because Metta World Peace and Gary Busey declined the offer.
Personally, I can see exactly where this is going, because I am really good at predicting things.
America is sick of the two-party system, and this seems like the election cycle where a third-party candidate may finally break through, as Joe Biden doesn’t engender much excitement and Donald Trump is a functionally illiterate aspiring dictator with a personality disorder.
I’m calling it now: Robert Kennedy Jr. will become the 47th President of the United States, and Aaron Rodgers will be his Vice President, because RFK remembers when his father was engaged in a heated Democratic primary and was planning to nominate Chuck Norris.
Unfortunately, I’m also calling this now: After the inauguration, Robert Kennedy Jr. will almost immediately pass away from measles. And mumps. And rubella.
It will be sad but kind of funny, like how every AIDS denialist has died of, well, AIDS.
Rodgers first presidential line of business will be to change his jersey number from 8 to 47.
If you’re like me you’re probably thinking, wait, can’t quarterbacks only wear numbers 0-19?
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