Why is Scam Culture Such a Thing Now?
Maybe the President sets an example after all.
Why is everything a “hack” now? Hey, want to get one over on Chipotle since you think you’re too elite to pay for an eight-dollar burrito?
Cool, let’s hit this vape first, okay, order a taco and get each topping on the side, then get an additional tortilla and assemble it yourself. Because screw the people who work there, those indigent bastards. You’re above all that, you’re a hustler, with your three-dollar burrito. Next stop Mar a Lago. You and a hundred-million other jobless people without health insurance are going to be rich.
Post it on your YouTube page that earns seventy bucks a year and go steal another catalytic converter.
Ever see those people whose teeth fall out at age fifty? These are those people. Ever meet a chick who isn’t a prostitute, but attends bachelor parties of dudes she doesn’t know? These are those people. Ever meet two people who recently became boyfriend and girlfriend and each of them has a newborn baby? I could keep going. Ever meet a guy who wears bronzer and married a Slovenian hooker?
It’s really nothing to celebrate.
Just a theory but this newfound default ghetto-ass white person mentality stems from two root causes 1) The president of the United States is a corny regal Wall Street type of dork who sells NFTs to his fans and has his own crypto coin, not to mention his modeling himself after men who run countries with toilet paper shortages where you will get stabbed for a pair of Converse, and 2) Empirically this country is on the verge of a financial meltdown. Republicans have destroyed the unions and instituted Citizens United, we’re about to have brain surgeons driving Ubers and hustlers running three-card-monte games in Central Park while dudes in three-hundred dollar Jordans sell new cameras to tourists from Nebraska, with the box containing nothing but a rock wrapped in tissue paper.
Let’s be more like the Russians. Have you seriously ever met a fucking Russian?
With all of the conservative pearl-clutching about movements which upset their flighty sense of safety (trans people, Black Lives Matter, Defund the Police) it’s weird they haven’t noticed that everyone is now an aspiring dirty internet scammer white-collar criminal type of person.
Chick-fil-A endorsed this ratchet mentality not long ago, which I wrote about here. Basically, they were trying to convince their customers that they were running a sick scam if they bought multiple Chick-fil-A items and stacked them on top of each other, and that this somehow constituted a “secret menu.”
Much like voting for billionaire tax cuts and thinking they’re part of the club, the people nudged into stuffing chicken nuggets inside of an existing chicken sandwich didn’t realize the joke was on them, that they weren’t getting one over on the people taking money from them.
It’s fairly pathetic how these ad agencies are trying to nail the spirit of the times while failing to properly articulate it like a bunch of narcs in gang attire, or Russell Wilson in corn rows.
It has all the authenticity of Justin Bieber’s African American accent, but it’s also troubling that these companies, who are tasked with having their finger on the cultural pulse, have held meetings and decided they need to appeal to creepy hobbyist swindlers (who are always wearing baggy basketball shorts, not sure why.)
Chipotle has recently embraced the times with an ad (above) I’ve seen fifty times now. It’s a bunch of actors pretending to be real-life Chipotle customers who are meddling in alchemy at their local Chipotle by requesting order modifications that you would not think the store would allow.
They appear to think they’re bucking the system, yet their actions have all the rebelliousness of a fourteen-year-old not being able to stifle his giggling while purchasing condoms, and it’s a massive, massive fail, but the point is that Chipotle is trying to appeal to people who engage in behavior that constitutes a legal loophole.
The handsomely paid retards who came up with this current spot really struggled to come up with realistic ‘hacks’ while eating their fifth Sweetgreen salad of the day.
One guy in the ad purports to pour sour cream from Chipotle into a ramekin of vinaigrette dressing. Cool idea bro. You know what else this guy probably does? Steal his roommate’s vodka and fills the bottle back up with water. Why did they leave this out of the commercial? It seems perfectly appealing to the demo they are targeting. I heard he also sticks bottle caps up his ass. Why is this not in the commercial? This guy does a lot of weird pointless shit, right? It’s cool, right?
Another lady states that he has a “triple wrapped burrito.” That would be three tortillas engulfing a burrito filling so that it swells to the size of a honeydew. Totally unnecessary and disgusting.
One tortilla from Chipotle is 320 calories and 49 grams of carbs. So even without the filling, this genius has a bare bones wrapper that is 960 calories and 150 grams of carbs. I’m just going to step out on a limb and assume the reset of this farm animal’s burrito is not especially health conscious and that she got add-ons such as sour cream, cheese, and double meat, leading her burrito to be (1670 calories of filling combined with the three tortillas) or 2,600 calories, for lunch.
(Here’s a hack this bucket of lard probably hasn’t thought of: Eat half of the burrito today and save the other half for tomorrow. That’s some crazy shit right? Yo, you like how I thought of dat shit? Itz like two meals for the price of one! Let’s go get a face tattoo, and why do you all smell like car air fresheners?)
It’s not like Chipotle is the first fast food place to court the degenerate market, Taco Bell, Carls Jr. and Jack in the Box have all unabashedly targeted stoners, and that was the fast-food demo ten years ago.
Now the younger people probably still smoke weed but they definitely vape and take pills and have an OnlyFans account and a puppy mill and spend a month’s worth of state benefits on renting a Lamborghini for an Instagram story while wearing a MAGA hat.
I think while the President of the United States has political power that is limited to some degree, the sense of normalcy his actions create leads to a cultural influence that is unbridled.
There’s not yet a lot of macro data about it, but let’s look at Chipotle and analyze whether that’s the type of country we’d like to be.
Here’s a secret: The people who try and hack the menu at Chipotle are the same people who steal your sunglasses from your car and stuff ham steaks into their pockets at Wal-Mart and leer weirdly at your daughter when she’s in the hotel pool and take all of the sugar packets from the coffee stand and piss on the toilet seat and pull COVID relief scams and clog up the line at the Best Buy because they’re returning fenced merchandise.
And don’t forget, they’re conservative. Lol.